Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
