Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
