Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
