I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
