I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
