You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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