i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
