She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Randomize
