Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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