remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
