I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
