I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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