I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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