forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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