Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
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If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
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Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize