"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize