I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
