i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
