Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize