I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
