Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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