Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
