Where did you get a picture of my penis
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
