Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
