That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
