my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
