"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
