Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I showed him my bush... on skype.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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