i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
