I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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