If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
