and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
