I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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