My sheets look like a crime scene.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
