i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
