I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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