Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
