I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.