Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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