He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
