i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back