Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again

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  (508): Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again http://tfl.nu/am23
  Replies (64) Good night (3254) Bad night (898)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  i wish there were pregnant emoticons

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  (440): i wish there were pregnant emoticons http://tfl.nu/icoh
  Replies (11) Good night (654) Bad night (3049)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls

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  (301): I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls <3 http://tfl.nu/wgu0
  Replies (73) Good night (1554) Bad night (4000)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps

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  (904): i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps http://tfl.nu/x84f
  Replies (85) Good night (6272) Bad night (467)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.

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  (919): Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required. http://tfl.nu/6ko6
  Replies (6) Good night (5027) Bad night (865)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit

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  (301): and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit http://tfl.nu/fjd7
  Replies (8) Good night (4429) Bad night (881)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.

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  (860): Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it. http://tfl.nu/iun7
  Replies (15) Good night (1736) Bad night (3946)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night

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  (978): My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night http://tfl.nu/zzxc
  Replies (10) Good night (4533) Bad night (951)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.

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  (312): I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy. http://tfl.nu/9mbp
  Replies (5) Good night (633) Bad night (2219)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.

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  (520): There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in. http://tfl.nu/msb5
  Replies (7) Good night (2872) Bad night (762)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.

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  (250): we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation. http://tfl.nu/ezo2
  Replies (5) Good night (1145) Bad night (427)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up

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  (843): I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up http://tfl.nu/n9q8
  Replies (4) Good night (932) Bad night (465)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth

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  (607): I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth http://tfl.nu/5ove
  Replies (1) Good night (380) Bad night (1045)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.

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  (267): I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses. http://tfl.nu/97k7
  Replies (3) Good night (1098) Bad night (334)
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating

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  (563): I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating http://tfl.nu/zdvr
  Replies (2) Good night (549) Bad night (228)

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