Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
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No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
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Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day