im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom