i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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