If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
