you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
