I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
