I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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