matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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