Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
