I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize