hotel room ftw
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
