Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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