My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
