proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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