maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
