I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
