its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
