I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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