stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
