Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
