with your own penis?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You need a sexual gate keeper
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
