There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
