His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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