why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
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We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
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Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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