i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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