I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
