just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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