So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
