You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
